New Year Resolution?

Zoukout this year was undeniably the best! We partied like we were sixteen, danced till dawn and had the time of our lives. Prawnie had double celebrations - once at zoukout and another with yummy yummy zhi char. Too lazy to upload any more pictures from zoukout so thats it!

This year's Christmas was pretty good. Chilled at Ashley's till 3am with food, booze, gossip and games. Its been awhile since we had a house party and for me, definitely liking it more than the usual partying at Zouk and Butter. Saturday was family gathering. All's well except the super heated argument at the table with my aunty which got Sherry and I super super pissed. Thankfully, the night ended well with more food stuffing into my already full stomach with dim sum (yumsss!) and cake. Sinful I know but I wasn't in the mood to care less. And Im gonna miss batty tonight because daddy wants to watch soccer and the other tv doesnt have cable. Rar. Am I only left with Singapore Idol to watch?

Cant wait for NYE! Will spend it with the girls and probably their bfs and Im sure it'll be fun :) Excites! Im in a holiday mood already but Ive gotta stick it out for 3.5 days of work. Rarrrr. How annoying.

Anyone started thinking about their New Year's Resolution?

Christmas Spirit in the Air. Where?

Work's really busy everyday but I've no complaints. It takes my mind off wandering about and gives me focus. Awesome. Its so great there are two long weekend weeks side by side. I sooo need the break! Yesterday definitely didnt feel like Christmas Eve. Couldnt feel the Christmas spirit but I could just see mops and mops of humans along Orchard Road I was so glad I was in the nice air con bus that was freaking empty. Food at KPO was blah and Holmes @ 1am led me to fall asleep in the cinema with weird spasms at my legs waking me up twice. I jolted up each time shocked and laughing at how riduculous it was, when the person next to me probably didnt even realize. Ha. And there was the conversation with bao. I dont even know what to expect from him from today on. Probably nothing. Ha. Thats why, work's best. I get so caught with work I refuse to even spend a minute more sitting on the toilet bowl stoning anymore. Gonna be Santa and distribute presents nowwww.

It just gets better and better

Zoukout 2009 was A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Well, we can only say that some things just get better and better. More pictures up soooooonnnn!

I Can't Stop Thinking About You

here i am, remembering about us again. i don’t know why all this is coming back now. i’ve dealt with it in virtually every aspect of my life, because the similarities seem to come up in some way or another. and you know what? i haven’t let myself fall for anyone again. no one has made me feel the way you could make me feel, and i wonder if anyone ever will.all i know right now is that i’ve grown up a lot since then. and it makes me smile every time i think about it. i guess because i don’t like to admit to myself that all that drama and all that attention back then, i loved it. i loved it at first when i wasn’t worried of the possibilities that came later. i loved the way you made me feel. i loved how you could always make me laugh, and how many times you’d catch my eye in the middle of that laughter, and for a moment i believed that things could be different.

deep down though, i guess i always knew they never would be.

that was the problem-- you were way out of my league, and i knew that. it made it so frustrating, so ironic, that i couldn’t help myself from having such a hopeless crush. but it was because you were different. you were one of the few guys i always had respect for, you were the one who i laughed with and looked forward to seeing every day. i don’t know if you knew it or not. everyone else sure did. but you gave me a chance, and i let down my guard. i tricked myself into having hope, when i so clearly shouldn’t have had any. and from there, i suddenly freaked out. i suddenly realized how much it was screwing me up, and i couldn’t do a thing about it.

for the past two years, i’ve been trying to let it go. trying to move on with my life, avoiding any brush i might have with the past, avoiding any encounter i think i might have that would change the way things were. they were over. and i wanted myself to believe that.

but the thing is, it’s not over. i guess i’m just now realizing that it’s never going to be over. maybe i should have dealt with it better than i did. but i couldn't, and when i left, things were a mess. they still are. i thought it would go away; i thought i would forget you and everything we once were.

but i haven’t. i’ve wished so many times that i could forget, but there you are-- constantly on my mind, it seems, because tiny little things always trigger my memory. i try to push it away, instead of dealing with it. that’s what i do with anything that makes me uncomfortable. i suppose i should be learning how to understand my own emotions. i certainly have enough of them, and that’s hardly your fault. hell, i don’t even know why i’m writing this. it’s not like you’ll ever know what i think. i am a distant memory to you, if anything. i see you and i can tell what you're feeling. i know things will never be the same between us. you love her, and she's all that matters to you. she's all that will ever matter to you no matter what i do and no matter what i say. and even though every time i see you is a turning point in my life, it will hardly matter to yours.i guess i should get used to that.

-M

**credits Le Love

Zoukout outfit maybe?

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Celebrated my 22nd with the girls. Dinner at Brussel Sprouts which had fabulous service. The surprise birthday cake and complimentary blowjob shot by them certainly deserves two thumbs up for the service staff! Food was pretty ok if you choose the right item but do try their mussels cos thats just what they are famous for!

To complete the night, we headed down to Winebar for drinks. Trays of shots on top of the other ala carte drinks left me pretty aye ok for the night. Think extreme tilti, sambucca shots, illusion shots, sex on the beach, blow job and kiss of death etc.. Drinking the kiss of death is like a straight route to happy land. Unless you're desperate to get high, dont try it. Its a combination of Triple Sec and Contreau (as stated on the menu) so... It was an early night for me. One plus and I was out. Ha. At least I could hold a decent conversation with the taxi uncle and wash up when I reach home. I amaze myself at times.

Thank you so much girls! Lots of love :)

After all the birthday fun and celebrations, it felt like something was missing. I was kinda sad that my birthday's gone cos it just meant I am now one year older with a tad more responsibility on my shoulders. Im glad I got what I wanted before my birthday and could celebrate it happily with my closest girls but still, there was something missing which I couldnt put a finger to.

I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately. Feeling blue, sian, easily irritated and in a world of my own. This is on top of the constant fatigue and lethargy I feel every single day. So sorry to friends whom I have not gotten a chance to meet up with. I have been whatever you read in the beginning of this paragraph and I am sure you don't want to meet such a person after so long.

What would you do if you weren't afraid? I am a victim of fear. I am afraid of the 'what ifs', afraid of change. But things move on faster than I can even say 'what if' and there I am stuck at where I originally am. I refuse to change because I am afraid of what will happen if I do, afraid to accept the fact of losing/have lost something I hold dearly. For as long as I am afraid, nothing will change. Maybe thats exactly what Im hoping for.